Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Lyrics Part 2

As I am listening to internet radio at work (I found out the CD player on my computer stopped working, and I left my IPOD at home) I heard a classic Ludacris song. The last verse is just classic. Points for anybody who name the most references acurately.

Ludacris - Cut Up

I come from the 8th planet in the 19th galaxy
where the royal penis is clean your majesty
can it be, Sheila E, Appalonia, vanity all mad at me
i'm the prince dick of insanity
i'm good lovin, body rockin knockin boots all night long, we not stoppin
i don't care if the kids is watchin, i'll stir it like mutha fuckin coffee
brown suga, girls dem suga, world class lova, Karma Sutra porno music producer
tallywhacker is a rock hard storm trooper
with a purple helmet made for crushing pink cookies
goonie goo goo, we cut big foots and woogies
and fat women cuz they need love too
so go on big girl, whatchu gonna do?

Monday, August 29, 2005

Movie Review

On Saturday I decided to make it a Blockbuster night. There were plenty of movies that I wanted to see but I knew I'd be seeing some of them very soon (this weekend) for free so there was no need to pay to see them now. I ended up getting Constantine and Layer Cake. Constantine is a good movie, but not great. Entertaining and some pretty cool graphics but I felt like it was missing something. Watching the deleted scenes I discovered what it was. They erased a female love interest from the entire movie, which would have made it SO MUCH BETTER. Not that there wasn't that female love interest tension between our favorite Matrix hero and the cop, but the other love interest would have made it sooo much better. Trust me. It explains a lot. Besides, If you've seen the movie trailer, you have seen the movie.

Layer Cake is decent but wait until it comes on HBO or something. I had never heard of it, but reading the box in blockbuster it said "from the director of Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" which are good movies. It also promised, plot twists, gangsters, crime, and cool stuff. Well the movie delivers that to a point, but after you have seen enough of the Oceans 11 and 12, Thomas Crown, Snatch, etc. plot twist movies... it's not that difficult to figure out. In fact this movie is a combination of Oceans 11, Snatch, and Empire (which is a good movie if y'all haven't seen it). However, Layer Cake isn't as good as any one of those, it just incorporats elements of them into the movie.

I was recently informed that on a episode of CSI Warrick said, "There is nothing sadder than a young girl with a raggedy pair of draws". Priceless... no wonder that is one of my favorite shows.


I know my posts have become sporadic (I've actually had work to do while at work) and I apologize. The cyclical nature of my job is hilarious, especially because of the position I'm in. There have been times where I honestly have worked for 30 minutes over the course of the day. Being salaried, that is a good thing. That are also weeks, like the last 2-3 where I have been working closer to 60 hour weeks, before factoring in weekends. And no I am not a consultant or I-banker.

You ever wake up on a Saturday or Sunday, realize you have a ton of stuff to do, but you just might get it done quickly and without spending a dime? That was me a couple Saturdays ago. I had that dream crushed before 9 am. I went to get my tires rotated (which is free) and then do some other things while I was out. Turns out my tire tread was so low that they wouldn't rotate them. I was planning on getting new tires and rims next year but this was a bit premature. Alas, I bit the bullet, picked some new tires and rims and waited. Three hours, an apologizing manager for not having a tire in stock and being forced to send a messenger to get it from another store, a 10 minute torrential downpour, and a bottle of water later I take my car and leave. I love my new tires, even though my credit card doesn't.

There was something else I wanted to mention but I've completely forgotten what it was. I'll check back in later. Happy belated b-day Quint.

I've rediscovered my love for the beautiful game and now I'm spending too much time watching it on TV. When I quit playing after Freshman year, I had to quit cold turkey. No watching it, playing it, talking about it, etc. It was rough. Lately I'm getting the urge to play again. In order to get my fill, I spend too many hour watching FSC (Fox Soccer Channel) which shows games non stop. Bloody brilliant.

Monday, August 22, 2005


Last Friday I was told a story about a girl I know from high school. Knowing the girl, well at least how she acts now, it makes sense, but I still question the validity of it. Let me know what y'all think.

Apparently this girl, we will call her Sandy, has gotten pretty "frisky" over the past few years. She drinks a good amount now and when she does... watch out. Some time ago she was hooking up with a random guy after a late night out. Legend has it that she "went down" to do some exploration and in doing so, she triggered a substantial "eruption". If fact, this eruption was so forceful that the "contents" ended up shooting out of Sandy's nose onto the unsuspecting guys stomach. Sandy tried to explain the event by saying that she had sneezed and the timing was just a coincidence.

Now I've met people who can drink milk and squirt it out their nose, so I guess it's possible. But is it possible to do so in this case? I'm not so sure. Mythbusters, I think we have a new experiment...

Thursday, August 18, 2005

He's at it again

I got the new R Kelly, TP.3, the other day. Yet another masterpiece from the self proclaimed Pied Piper. It's filled with it's usual random sexual references, ridiculous beats and of course Trapped in the Closet, parts 1-5. I know y'all have heard it. The crazy part is that there are 10 more parts of that foolishness. What else could happen. I'm just waiting for him to pee in somebody in part 12. I would then nominate it for record of the year. Anyways, song 3 on TP.3, sex in the kitchen is just ridiculous. I actually like the beat and the song, but the lyrics are...well... read for yourself. Everybody needs to hear this song just to hear how much emphasis, passion, love, pain he puts into one particular line. Of course I've highlighted it for ease of reference.
"Sex In The Kitchen"

Girl you're in the kitchen
Cooking me a meal
Something makes me wanna come in there and get a feel
Walk around in your t-shirt
Nothing else on
Strutting pass, switching that ass while I'm on the phone
Cutting up tomatoes, fruits and vegetables and potatoes
Girl, you look so sexy while you're doing the damn thang
[Chorus ]
I want
Sex in the kitchen over by the stove
Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls
Hands on the table, on your tippy toes
We'll be making love like the restaurant was closed [End Chorus]
How would you like it, baby
(How would you like that?)
Tell me right now pretty baby
Hey man, I'm gon call you back
Girl you're in the kitchen, chillin in your robe
I'm saying to myself she better go put on some clothes
Tickling and teasing
Doing that little dance
Girl, you gon make me lay you down and give it to you one mo 'gain
[Chorus 2x]
Girl I'm ready to toss your salad
While I'm making love,I'll be feasting
Girl you're in the kitchen
Sweating up a storm
The oven's on 500 So you know the kitchen's warm
Girl you know just how to get into a brother's mind
Cause here we are still in this kitchenDoing it for the third time
[Chorus (fades out)]

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Mistaken Identity

Have you ever been told that you look like someone else? I think we all have at one point or another. Usually it goes something like, "Hey, did anyone ever tell you that you look like ____?" and it's typically somebody famous. If not then you probably remind that person of someone else they know. I know I've told plenty of people they look like someone else, and it's a fun game. Just the other day I took my cousin (she is 11) to the Ohio State Fair, and I saw someone who is a dead ringer for Bobby Brown (except he looked even more cracked out). I can't begin to explain how funny that was.

One day a few years back, a bunch of us were in NYC for my b-day (I think). My boy Quint happened to come face to face with his look alike. Ok, maybe they didn't run into each other but it was a close encounter. The group decided to go to this bar/lounge late night and guess who walks out as we are walking in. In order to preserve his identity I won't indicate what celebrity it was but he goes by one name and has been the love interest of many black women in several movies. He also somehow ended up on a damn mountain with Sly Stallone in a movie (you know black folks don't like cold or heights). Anyways, that was a once and a lifetime coincidence.

For some reason, the number of people I've been told I resemble is just astounding. Some I agree with (well maybe) and others I am completely bewildered by. Yeah I know you can take certain characteristics of someone and use them to describe a person who doesn't really look like them. In my case, I can't even begin to find the correlation between some of these. Part of it is because I used to experiment with different types of facial hair (goatee, trimmed beard, chin strap, combo, side burns, etc) and hair styles (short and even, bald, fade, mini afro, etc) but still that doesn't explain some of these. Here is the list of people that I've been told I resemble in no particular order:

Chris Webber, Quinton Fortune, Craig David, Harold Reynolds, DMX, Henry Simmons and Usher (if only because I am black, can dress, and know how to dance but still).

Now I can understand some of these more than others but for the most part it is still a stretch. Since I pretty much look the same as I did when I was a kid (seriously, I look like I did when I was 6, just a lot older now) people from my past recognize me all the time. The problem is, I hardly ever recognize them. Oh well, I guess it's one of those things. I'm just waiting for someone to tell me that I look like someone who is white, and I'm just going to crack up.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Oh Hell NO (part 1)


I don't even want to comment on this. The whole thing is just... well... screw it. I can't think of anything to write anymore. But common now, a hacksaw???? Seriously... do y'all know what you can cut with a hacksaw?? Two weeks??? Forget it, I'm done.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Golf Outing

Yesterday I went to a charity golf event hosted by my high school and sponsored by my company. Let me tell you how fun events like that are (clearly dripping with sarcasm). First of all, I didn't really like my high school. Scratch that, I didn't like my school after the second week of first grade. I went to a private school and attended the same school from 1-12th grade. Yep, it was small, graduated with 45 students, and to this day I only talk to 4 or 5 of them on a regular basis. On a side note, don't you hate it when you run into people from the past and you didn't like each other, but its been like 5+ years so you feel obligated to talk to them. And you always have that same awkward conversation. You know the one where you act cordial and try to seem interested with what the other person is saying but you could really give a damn. And you know the other person feels the exact same way, but you can't stop it from snowballing. That has been happening entirely too much lately.

Over the last two years I have been strong armed into working with the school's alumni board on some events, but I by-in-large try to keep my distance without pissing too many people off. Regardless, I somehow end up pictured in virtually every one of the school's quarterly magazines. I've been on 4 of the last 5 and will most likely be in the next one.

Anyways, I can't hate on the school too much because I got my current job through a school connection. I played soccer and basketball with the son of the guy who owns the company. Well, now my boy's dad is one of 2 people who have donated so much money to the school that they practically run it. Hell, he along with another big wig here have positions on the school's Board of Trustees. Alas, every time there is a school event where my company is a title sponsor = damn near every one, it's just understood that I show up. Even though I didn't golf yesterday, I had to go to the post golf dinner/reception/awards/tribute ceremony. Best thing that came out of it was free dinner and drinks. However, I was also cursed to be one of the few people in the room (about 70 people were there) who knew almost everybody. From colleagues to former teachers to alumni to alumni parents, I was the link that held people together. After almost 4 hours of introductions, I took my tired ass home. Things I do when I don't have a choice. Networking sucks...